Well, this past weekend I saw my father for the first time in 28 years & 7 months. It wasn’t all hearts and flowers like he wanted to be. I have no ill feelings toward him. I’m past the abandonment, but I’m not feeling the whole daddy/daughter relationship. He didn’t care about having a relationship with me when he left all those years ago and it’s too late to be my father now.
I’m sure you feel the same way, and I guess I can see how you would feel the same way. But the difference between me & my father is that I didn’t willingly abandon you. My family was not the first family my father abandoned. He did the same with his first family, my half brothers and sisters. I don’t know why he even bothered to get married and have kids because it’s obvious he never wanted the responsibility because he never stuck around.
Me, on the other hand, all I ever wanted to be was a mother, and I never willingly abandoned you. One day I hope you’ll believe that and find it in your heart to forgive me. Your life was in danger and so was mine. Even though it’s been 15+ years since I last saw the woman responsible for all of this (and who I suffered physical abuse at the hands of), I still have nightmares that one day she’ll make good on her final threat against me. She’s in prison for the rest of her life because of abuse she inflicted on another child, who just so happens to be your cousin, but the nightmares still come every so often. I know God’s got me in the palm of His hand, though.
I know it’s too late to be your mother, and honestly, that’s not what I’m trying to do. I just want to be a part of your life and vice versa.
